In which we learn the poisonous effects of lotion

Until last week I had never called poison control. Ok, that's not true - I called animal poison control once when our dog Buster drank from the toilet. The toilet that I had just that afternoon dropped one of those blue cleaning tablet things in in prepartion for houseguests. Turns out, a dog his size (100 lbs, half St Bernard), he would have had to have eaten the tablet for it to do any damage. That dog, man. He ate socks, remote controls, pillows, nothing stopped him. Except for ham. Who knew that ham was a powerful emetic for dogs? I'll tell you who - ME. Now I know that.

But the kids had been poison free. I have, on occasion, shamefacedly overdosed them on medicine. (What?? 2 TEASPOONS? of narcotic pain meds? Not 2 TABLESPOONS? What??) But I've done a fair job of keeping the lethal stuff locked up or out of reach.

Until last week.

We're an itchy bunch. These pasty white people complexions of ours are very prone to the itchies. So I have a number of anti-itch meds on hand. Earlier in the day I had smeared Aveeno Anti-Itch Lotion on Rory. (And, total aside, I love all things Aveeno. If Aveeno ever wanted to, you know, pay a blogger to rave about how much she loves Aveeno Anti-colloidal oatmeal lotion or Aveeno Hydrocortison cream, I wouldn't say no. Just saying.)

The cream was applied. He turned pink in all his itchy spots (why is this stuff pink when it dries?). And the lotion was forgotten. On the end table. Within reach.

Of Brigit.

I was in the kitchen. She came walking in, holding the open lotion bottle.

"Mama, I pretty!"

It was all over her hands, her hair, her face, her MOUTH.

After my heart started again, I called Washington State Poison Control. Where the lovely woman on the line assured me that she had had numerous calls from the parents of 2 year olds just that day. 2 year olds, it seems, are nefarious with their will to eat anything.

I am pleased to report that Aveeno Anti-Itch Lotion is not, in fact, lethal when consumed. It will cure constipation, however (a fact that bore fruit all day on Mother's Day - thanks for that present).