Care and feeding of the Pogudy Beasts

Last year, my parents were gracious enough to come spend some time with my monkeys while Tyler and I enjoyed our first kid-free vacation/second honeymoon (um, 9 years late). I wrote up some instructions for the grands to help them survive the 3 days with Rory and Brigit. Here's a sampling, copied verbatim - I really do speak to my parents this way. I am the worst child.

Wake up:
Rory - 6:30 AM
Get him juice and turn on the TV for him - you can get extra sleep before he demands breakfast.
[Am I not the perfect mother?]
Brigit - when she starts screaming

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Lunch and Dinner suggestions:
Rory will eat or not eat what you give him. It is 100% ok to feed them what you are having - he'll complain (maybe) but life's tough all over. When in doubt, give him a banana.

Nap for B - after lunch - put in crib. Walk away.

Bath - Make sure to give them a 5 minute warning when it's time to get out. Less screaming this way.
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Teeth - Rory can brush his own, despite what he says.

Stories -
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After B's 3rd story, she's going to say "again" or more." Be firm. Give her kisses, pick her screaming ass up out of the corner of her closet and put her in her bed. Turn on night-light-man. Walk out. Ignore screams. Trust me.

You'd think my parents didn't survive three daughters of their own. Three girls. Three potential Brigits. They are saints. Except when they laugh hysterically at Brigit's challenging behavior. I believe my mother's cackling claim is, "Karma is a bitch." Well, so am I, mom.