If you have been following my Facebook status updates (hi, Mom!), you've probably seen a trend of "what I learned in jury duty" updates.
I am absolutely not going to speak of the specific case or even my specific experience on jury duty (except, well, all the jurors are very nice and we're getting very good at playing cards). (Your honor, if you're reading this, I'm being very good, really, because, honestly, you're kind of scary.) But, I think I can elaborate a bit on these "what I've learned"s (um, imagine that's plural, apparently jury duty has unlearned me of my grammar). (Of course, if I suddenly disappear, you know where to find me - the slammer. Please send a toothbrush. Or I'll just start packing one in my purse, as a precaution.)
Update #1: the jury does not get to hear discussion of any objections.
For which I was, admit it, ridiculed. Like, well, duh, Liza - what if they're speaking the secret things that if only you knew would make up your mind and curse the defendant to a lifetime of making license plates (do they even do that anymore)? But! BUT! It's not that we don't get to hear the details, noooo. It's that every time there's an objection that one side or the other believes is worthy of "being heard," we, the jury, have to troop back to the jury room and wait. And wait. And then, for good measure, wait a little more. There are no Law & Order style sidebars with the judge coyly covering her microphone. Nope, just with the filing out and waiting and maybe working on our puzzles and then argh, I just about had this part figured out and we have to go back in.
Update #2: The attorneys don't really seem to be paying attention to the testimony, at least not opposing counsel.
That was my initial impression, but you lawyers are a sneaky bunch. Oh yes, you are. What with the feigned nonchalance and the "taking notes" and then BAM, hammering the witness on cross. I've got my eye on you now, Esquire.
And here is Update #3: You cannot take knitting needles past security in the superior court house.
They do not care that you can carry them on a plane, you still have to leave them at the security checkpoint. And no, you cannot use bamboo needles instead. Crochet hooks are fine, but not needles. No, ma'am, not even the bamboo circular needles that only contain about 2" of straight pointy material and hi, are made of WOOD. Just, no. Learn to crochet.
Of course, I don't want to learn to crochet, because I'm contrary like that. So please send patterns for very tiny knit projects, say socks (very tiny socks) that can be completed in one day (broken up into 15 minute increments) and that can be knitted on the kind of needles one might ostensibly use to secure your hair (which is of course ridiculous because who would think to sneak knitting needles into a court house in your hair - my fellow jurors, that's who - I told you they were nice).
13 hours ago