Sunday, March 15, 2009

And then the tent said, "You're welcome"

Tyler has this theory, that women cannot stand to see men sleep. That we go out of our way to make sure that they do not get sleep. Something to do with payback for all the sleep we lose when the babies come.

I have to admit, there may be something to this theory. At least subconsciously, anyway. It seems that I'm always asking him, "Are you asleep?" just as he's on the edge of sleep. Which, when you think about it, is a stupid question. If the person's asleep, he's not exactly going to answer, and if he's not asleep but is still lying with his eyes closed, despite sensing your presence with his spidey sense, then well, asking's not really going to help, is it?

If there is some grand conspiracy against the sleep of a good man, kids are fantastic co-conspirators. They don't walk, they stomp. They don't talk, they shriek. They cannot not slam doors. Someone's always poking, pushing, pulling someone else. And the cats are always looking at them funny.

So the sleeping? It is mighty disturbed.

Thanks to our Visa's favorite store REI, we have a solution - a one-man tent, pitched at the top of the yard, under the canopy of pine trees, and a sub-freezing mummy bag. It's like a room away from his room. A nice hide-out that the kids seem happy to leave alone.

I'm a little worried, though - Tyler's been talking to the tent lately. Singing sweet songs of love, devotion. I'd tell them to get a room, but it seems a bit of an oxymoron, doesn't it?


An extra bit - Tyler has another theory: foreign actors are taking over the airwaves. Soon good American actors are going to be penniless, forced to work in Bollywood. Just look at the evidence - The Mentalist and The Beast - leads from Australia; Eleventh Hour and House - leads from England. Even Sons of Anarchy. And forget about Without a Trace - 2 from Australia, 1 from London. It's hard for a good actor who doesn't, you know, have to fake an American accent to get ahead these days.

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